I've been practising the ritual of seeing myself only as boundless light. The first thing I noticed was I lost interest in writing. There didn't seem any point in doing anything.
Next, I felt this devastating loneliness.
I've felt loneliness with family members because I felt I didn't belong, but at least I wasn't alone.
I've felt loneliness with someone I was supposed to be in love with, but at least I wasn't alone.
I've felt loneliness with friends, but at least I wasn't alone.
I've felt loneliness with people who shared my beliefs, but at least I wasn't alone.
I've felt loneliness with people, but at least I wasn't alone.
But this loneliness was different. I was literally alone and experiencing what it feels like to be all alone with no one to share with, or to be with. The loneliness was so painful I wanted to die. But I knew that was meaningless because as boundless light I am life eternal.
While I was feeling this loneliness I noticed people as usual around me but it was as if I was watching a movie and everyone was playing a film character. I was also browsing the Internet and reading my emails but again it felt like I was watching a film. I was the only audience and there was no one else but me.
At one point I was overwhelmed by waves and waves of sadness and loneliness. Though it felt I was weeping buckets I didn't feel like weeping outwardly. Would anyone have noticed if I had? Film characters don't tend to notice when their audience is happy or sad, do they?
I asked myself: "How long is this loneliness going to last?"
"It is never-ending," I said to myself.
"I can't feel like this forever!"
"The only way I can stop this loneliness," I said to myself, " is to create another soul just like me."
Seems like I've come full circle. I started being one, decided to play the game of separation, then I realised that I am the one boundless light and felt loneliness. Now I'm creating another being just like me who will be my companion forever.
In my mind's eye, I saw myself as light. Then, like cell mitosis, I split into two. As soon as I witnessed the split, the feeling of loneliness left me.
Creating a companion is like using a candle that is already lit to light one that isn't. Just as I am infinite light and love, the other soul I have created is identical to me. I could have created countless identical souls but I decided to keep it to just the one.
My companion will now embody any form or experience I wish and be my silent partner.
One thing I'm grateful for is that I don't have to endure the feeling of loneliness for weeks, months, or years on end. There is no reason to prolong an experience; a few minutes is long enough, thank you very much.
Now the fun begins; I can share life with my identical twin soul.
Funny that, I could never buy into the notion of a "twin soul." I now realise that it is I who create my own twin soul.
My twin soul and I are one.
Related articles: Bonfire of Love; The Transmuting Fire of Love