I'm riding on a bus on my way home. The guy on the seat below is reading a newspaper. Then I notice he's got something in his hand. Are my eyes deceiving me? Is that guy tossing off on a bus right in front of me? I do a second take. He is tossing off! Blimey!
Decisions, decisions! Do I ignore what he's doing? No, I don't want him giving me ideas. Do I tell him to put his willy back in his trousers or do I get someone else to do it for me? I know, I'll get the bus driver to do it.
I knock on the driver's cubicle. "Excuse me, there's a guy flashing in here. Come and see."
"What? I can't hear you."
I'm trying to sound as discreet as I can as I don't wish to alert the other passengers. "I said, there's a guy flashing."
"What did you say?" says the driver. "Did you say a car is flashing behind me?"
For crying out loud. "No, I said there's a guy...look, why don't you stop the bus and I'll tell you."
The driver pulls up at the next stop. "What did you say?"
"I said there's a guy flashing his WILLY!"
Thanks a lot, now I've got everyone's attention.
"Oh I see, do you want me to call the police?"
"No, I just want you to tell him to put his willy back in his trousers."
Too late, my flasher friend has made a discreet exit.
I'm all for expressing free will but I certainly don't want to see a free willy on my bus journey, thank you very much.
No sex please, I am British!
This story inspired a friend to write a poem. It is untitled.
Am I being silly when I take out little willy
To while away the time when on the bus.
Indulge in inter-crural fantasy
While 'she' pretends she cannot see
And wants to tell but not cause too much fuss.
Now I have to get off before my stop
And stop before I come.
There's no doubt there's a lot of folk
Just willing to spoil my fun.
(c) 2006 Lincoln Wakefield